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19
Dec 2021
Handling Christmas after divorce: A Harrogate dad's story
This article is sponsored by Berwins
Family breakdown is never easy, but Christmas can be a particularly distressing time for separated parents and their children.
There is an unrealistic expectation that the festive period should be be perfect, not helped by increasing pressure caused by social media.
This often leads to feelings of anger, frustration and upset when that “perfect” family Christmas can't be made into a reality.
Arguments can start over where the children will be on Christmas Day. There can also be disagreements about whether new partners should be spending time with the children at Christmas, as well as issues with money.
But it doesn't always have to be difficult.
Harrogate dad Alex separated from his wife in 2010, when his daughter was three-years-old.
Tough
He described how the first two Christmases apart were a struggle, but then gradually improved in future years thanks to good communication.
He said:
However, as a result, they both agreed that they would then take it in turns each year, which he says has worked out better for everyone ever since.
He said:
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- Harrogate grandmother's story of unbreakable love for neglected granddaughter
Alex continues to have a good relationship with his ex-wife and says this makes it easier when it comes to Christmas festivities.
He said:
Advice
Stephen Root, director of Berwins Solicitors, based in Harrogate, has shared his advice on arrangements for children over the Christmas period.
He said:
- Remember it is not about you spending time with your children, but your children spending time with you and the other parent.
- Try and approach it from your children's point of view. Will they be happier seeing both of you on Christmas Day, even if that means moving from house-to-house? Or are they better off in one place, perhaps, alternating Christmas Day and Boxing Day between you?
- Try and find an arrangement that suits your family and can be used from year-to-year, perhaps alternating Christmas and the New Year holiday periods between you.
- Try and reach an agreement as early as possible. If everyone knows what the arrangements are there are less likely to be arguments. If there are issues, then the earlier you have begun discussions the more time you have to resolve them.
- If the children are with you all day Christmas Day, do make time for them to speak with the other parent during the day. In most cases children will want to at least speak to the other parent during the festivities.
- Don't compete with each other. Try and discuss what presents you are getting – consider still buying jointly if you can – and don't expect your children to eat two Christmas dinners.
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