Verbally abused Harrogate cyclist issues plea to motorists‘Improved climate’ at Harrogate Army Foundation College after abuse allegations, says minister

Harrogate’s Army Foundation College has a “much improved climate” after allegations of abuse and sexual assault, a government minister has said.

Baroness Goldie, a Ministry of Defence minister, told the House of Lords the college had taken steps to improve and that this was reflected by an Ofsted report in 2021.

It comes after the college on Penny Pot Lane, which trains junior soldiers aged 16 and 17, was hit by allegations of abuse and bullying in 2021.

In February, former instructor Simon Bartram was found guilty of disgraceful conduct and sexual assault over a nine-month period between 2020 and 2021.

Meanwhile, Corporal Kimberley Hey was demoted in rank in November 2021 after being convicted of punching teenage soldiers at the college.

This past week, Lord Browne of Ladyton, a former minister in the MOD under the last Labour government, asked Baroness Goldie what steps the government had taken to improve the inspection of welfare and safeguarding at the college.

Lord Browne pointed out the college itself had recorded 72 complaints of violence by staff between 2014 and 2023, of which 13 cases had been proven.

He said:

“How can the Ministry of Defence be comfortable with this? 

“What steps, if any, is it taking to improve the inspection of welfare and safeguarding at the AFC?”

Baroness Goldie described the incidents as “profoundly regrettable and utterly unacceptable”.

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However, she added the college had learned from the incidents and “introduced important changes” which were reflected in an Ofsted report in 2021.

Baroness Goldie said the MOD had also introduced new policies to deal with sexual offences, which had helped to improve the situation at the college.

She said:

“The MoD has introduced new policies and changes to deal with sexual offences and unacceptable sexual behaviour below the criminal threshold. 

“It has taken steps to improve the complaints system, has created the Defence Serious Crime Unit and has a zero-tolerance policy for sexual offences and sexual relationships between instructors and trainees. 

“All of that now reflects a much-improved climate at the college.”

Referring to Bartram, she confirmed the former instructor had been dismissed from the armed forces and added the government had taken “significant steps” to prevent similar incidents happening again.

She said:

“Sadly, we cannot ever eliminate the prospect of something unacceptable happening, but significant steps have been taken to try to reduce that possibility.”

How Harrogate Family Law can help if you are a victim of coercive control

This article is sponsored by Harrogate Family Law.

Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse in which a person attempts to exert an unreasonable, oppressive amount of control over their partner’s life.

Harrogate Family Law are specialists in this area and they are helping a growing number to resolve the difficult situation.

Abuse does not have to be physical or sexual to be an offence. Coercive control can include emotional and psychological abuse and can be very subtle, so is harder to identify.

By its very nature, coercive control can instil confusion and self-doubt in the victim, but Harrogate Family Law can help you be clear about what is taking place and prepare a safe route out of the situation for you and your family.

Andrew Meehan, director of Harrogate Family Law, said:

“We are getting clients from all over the country who are married to a controlling, narcissistic spouse. They have often been controlled financially and emotionally and have been kept in the dark about money. They often don’t have a clear picture of how much things cost and how they can afford to pay for things.

“We can offer advice and help them to move forward with a secure financial future.”

What are the signs of coercive control?

There are clear indications that the relationship you are in has spiralled towards coercive control, even if you have received no physical harm and the relationship is not necessarily “toxic”.

Coercive control happens when:

Mr Meehan has offered his three top tips on what to do if you think you are a victim of coercive control.

You are not alone

“There are a lot of people in the same situation. They are often conditioned to think there is no way out for them and they are effectively trapped.

“But their situation is something we see a lot of and something we can sort out for them. The situation is not hopeless.”

Get legal advice early 

“We have a niche in dealing with people who have been controlled by spouses or those who are married to a narcissist. We have got clients from all over the country and overseas looking for our expertise.

“Speak to a solicitor who understands how to deal with these kinds of people.”

Everyone’s situation is different

“Try to come to your first meeting as prepared as possible so that the advice we give can be as tailored to your circumstances as much as possible.

“This is difficult if your finances are being controlled. However, have a think about what you do know and we can take things from there. We can then be prepared to deal with what is most important to you.”

For a confidential chat with one of Harrogate Family Law’s expert solicitors regarding coercive control, call 01423 594 680 or email enquiries@harrogatefamilylaw.co.uk

Harrogate hospital employs security staff for first time

Security staff have been employed for the first time at Harrogate District Hospital in response to a growing number of reports of aggressive and abusive behaviour.

The security officers work overnight, particularly focusing on the accident and emergency department, to offer reassurance to staff.

Speaking at a meeting of North Yorkshire County Council’s Harrogate and Knaresborough area constituency committee today, Jonathan Coulter, chief executive of Harrogate and District NHS Foundation Trust, said:

“We were always reluctant to have our own security service on the hospital site because we felt we were a health service, not anything else. I know other trusts went much more quickly into having dedicated security personnel on site.

“We have in the last six months introduced, between 7pm and 7am overnight, our own security service, which is a bit of a shame that we’ve had to do that, but it was something that made the staff feel safer, particularly in the early hours with the emergency department where Harrogate has never had a problem before, but has had an increasing problem.

“I wouldn’t say it’s anything like we get lots of these incidents, it’s a handful of incidents but they don’t need to happen very often for it to be disturbing and for people to get concerned about it.”

Mr Coulter was responding to a question from Cllr Michael Schofield, who said he had read about an increase in verbal abuse from patients and visitors when they were asked to wear face masks.

Cllr Schofield, a Liberal Democrat who represents Harlow & St George’s division, added:

“I find it quite alarming that staff and volunteers have to deal with this situation.”

Mr Coulter said compliance with mask-wearing was “amazingly” high early in the pandemic and at the beginning of each lockdown, but had dropped since then and some volunteers were being verbally abused for asking people to put on masks.

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22 junior soldiers in Harrogate complained of sexual assault last year

Twenty-two junior soldiers at the Army Foundation College in Harrogate said they were raped or sexually assaulted last year.

Figures released by ministers reveal 47 British army recruits under the age of 18 claimed to have been raped or sexually assaulted last year.

Dave Doogan, the Scottish National Party MP for Angus, asked armed forces minister Leo Docherty how many of those were from the Harrogate college.

Mr Docherty replied:

“Of the 47 victims in those statistics, 37 were female and of those cases one has been proven, four are ongoing, and 11 have been transferred to the civilian police.

“Twenty-two were based at the Army Foundation College at the time of the offence.”

The Harrogate college, which recruits about 1,500 recruits each year, is the only British army establishment that delivers military training to junior soldiers aged 16 and 17. Recruits undertake 23-week or 49-week basic training at the college on Penny Pot Lane.

army foundation college

The college on Penny Pot Lane.

Colonel Philip Ingram a former army commanding officer and NATO planner was quoted in The Sun saying:

“These statistics are shocking whatever way you look at them.

“They highlight the most basic of failures in command at a number of different levels and yet it takes a parliamentary question to get the information into the public domain, delivered by the very minister who continuously says the MoD is making huge progress in addressing inappropriate behaviours.

“It is clear that either he is lying or is being lied to in his briefings and the result is the lifetime of trauma imposed on the victims, some of whom are still children. Until defence gets some form of independent oversight then it will continue to cover up what can only be described as atrocious acts.”

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The Stray Ferret asked the Ministry of Defence to respond to the allegations and asked why so many abuse claims were made by recruits at Harrogate.

An MoD spokesperson said:

“There is absolutely no place for unacceptable behaviour in the army. We recognise the great courage it takes to come forward and report a sexual offence and commanding officers will always refer any allegation of rape and sexual assault, or any other offence which may have a sexual element, to the service police. All allegations are thoroughly investigated, and support provided to alleged victims.

 “At the Army Foundation College emotional, psychological and the physical safety of our young junior soldiers is taken extremely seriously and is central to the ethos at the college. Junior soldiers are empowered to call out unacceptable behaviour and should have confidence that their complaint will be investigated.”

Series of claims

This is not the first time concerns have been expressed about behaviour towards junior soldiers at the Army Foundation College.

Claims of bullying and abuse were raised in the House of Lords in November last year.

Last year also saw a female instructor at the college demoted after being convicted of punching teenage soldiers and three parents call for the college to be closed after claiming their children were abused.

But the college was rated ‘outstanding’ by Ofsted last year. Government inspectors gave positive feedback on safeguarding at the college, saying it investigated incidents thoroughly and made necessary improvements.

Last year Carol Monaghan, the Scottish National Party’s spokesperson for the armed forces, attempted to introduce a clause in the Armed Forces Bill preventing 16 and 17-year-olds enlisting in the army. Anyone under the age of 18 in the UK is legally classified as a child.

But Kevan Jones, Labour MP for North Durham, defended the college. He said:

“I suggest that anyone who wants to see the positive way individuals can and do improve their lives visits the Army Foundation College in Harrogate.”

Harrogate online predator caught by vigilantes

A Harrogate man asked a 13-year-old ‘girl’ for nude photos during online chats, a court heard.

Thomas Fryer, 36, contacted the ‘girl’ on a messenger app, not realising he was in fact chatting with an adult decoy who was working undercover to trap online predators.

Prosecutor Ashleigh Metcalfe told York Crown Court that a vigilante group called Keeping Kids Safe was behind the sting, which ended with a “confrontation” at Fryer’s home that was live-streamed on social media.

She said the volunteer decoy – a man who was named in court – set up a fake profile purporting to be a teenage girl.

Fryer made contact under the username ‘Tom Fryer 1’. On the ‘girl’s’ profile it said she was 19 years of age, but when he contacted her, she told him she was 13 years old.

Thus began a series of debauched chats on the Oasis and KIK apps, culminating in the “confrontation” at Fryer’s home where the vigilantes called in police.

Officers arrived on the scene and seized Fryer’s iPhone, which showed messages between him and the ‘girl’, including one in which he asked her if she “goes nude” and encouraged her to take naked photos of herself. Ms Metcalfe said:

‘She’ sent him two photos, whereupon Fryer called her a ‘cute girl’.”

He then asked ‘her’ if she had any photos of her young friend and if this girl was sexually active.

He then asked ‘her’:

“Why don’t you kiss your ‘bestie’ for the experience?”

In subsequent chats, he asked for more pictures from the ‘girl’ and told ‘her’:

“It’s probably better to keep this between you and me. Don’t tell anyone about the (pictures) LOL.”

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Ms Metcalfe said the chats occurred over a five-day period between May 28 and June 1, 2020.

Never been in trouble before

Fryer, of Dragon Parade, was quizzed by police but remained largely silent. However, he ultimately admitted attempting to incite a child to engage in sexual activity and attempting to engage in sexual communication with a child.

They were charged as ‘attempts’ because the ‘girl’ was in fact an adult decoy.

Robert Mochrie, mitigating, said Fryer had never been in trouble before.

Judge Simon Hickey said it was better for Fryer to get the help he needed in the community rather than any custodial sentence.

Fryer was given an 18-month community order with a 40-day rehabilitation programme. He was also ordered to carry out 80 hours’ unpaid work.

He was placed on the sex-offenders’ register for five years and made subject to a five-year sexual-harm prevention order, mainly to curb his internet activities.

Patients urged to be kind as abuse prompts GP staff in North Yorkshire to quit

Doctors’ leaders in North Yorkshire have said experienced frontline GP practice staff are being driven out of their jobs because of verbal abuse from patients.

They warned today that surgeries are experiencing a surge in demand for appointments and an aggressive minority is “making the working lives of reception and admin teams a misery”.

They said there had been a wave of resignations among experienced and skilled reception staff from a number of practices in North Yorkshire in recent months because they could no longer put up with the levels of verbal abuse and hostility.

YorLMC – the professional voice for NHS GPs and practice teams across North Yorkshire and City of York, called for the abuse to stop in a statement today.

Dr Brian McGregor, YorLMC’s medical secretary, said:

“Most patients recognise the brilliant job practice reception teams do, but regrettably, there are some who think it’s acceptable to shout, swear, belittle and threaten them and other staff.

“The cumulative impact of these instances of aggression, prejudice, threats and offensive language, is leading to some highly valued members of staff choosing to walk away from a job they’ve loved, while others say they now dread coming into work.

“The NHS is very clear – there is no place for this sort of aggressive behaviour and it has a zero tolerance approach to abuse. If a person is violent, abusive or threatening to their GP or any general practice staff, they could be permanently removed from the surgery.”

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Last week the Leeds Road practice in Harrogate urged patients to be respectful amid rising demand for appointments.

NHS North Yorkshire Clinical Commissioning Group clinical chair, Dr Charles Parker, added:

“We understand it’s a difficult time for patients. Surgery phone lines are busy, a lot of people want appointments and a lot of people have worries about their health they have been putting off, but now want dealing with quickly.

“However, it is not an excuse to shout, swear or threaten the people who are trying their hardest to help. Some of the abuse our practice teams have been receiving is verging on the criminal and has reduced even the most resilient and experienced members of staff to tears.”

Many patients are frustrated at not always being able to see their GP face-to-face.

But today’s statement said practice staff were skilled at finding the person “most appropriate to meet their clinical needs, which may not always be a GP or nurse”.

£15,000 fund set up to help North Yorkshire councillors who face abuse

North Yorkshire County Council has set up a £15,000 fund to help councillors who have faced violent threats and abuse.

A meeting of the authority’s executive approved setting aside the money to which any of its 72 elected members will be able to apply, just weeks after Conservative MP Sir David Amess was killed at a constituency surgery in Essex.

The move also follows some North Yorkshire councillors reporting death threats, abusive letters and emails, being held hostage and having their property vandalised.

Under the initiative, councillors will be able to anonymously apply to the security fund, for which there would be no investigation as to whether there is any evidential support for the councillor’s concerns.

The council’s deputy leader, Cllr Gareth Dadd, whose partner is Darlington MP Peter Gibson, told the meeting no elected representative at whatever level should feel threatened or barred from seeking public office.

He said: 

“I also believe it’s the duty of any democratic organisation to protect and to promote democracy, and to that end I welcome a fund. And that fund will apply to all members of all parties or none. Party politics is not an issue whatsoever.”

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Cllr Dadd said the fund would mean elected members who felt frightened walking down the street could be provided with low-cost measures such as panic alarms, adding: 

“More serious threats could be and have been made, so it might be home security.”

He said while the amount of funding given to councillors needed to be proportional and pragmatic, the authority should not set an upper limit on the amount of money that could be spent protecting elected members.

Cllr Dadd said: 

“Money should not be an obstacle to achieving the outcome we are seeking. 

“We have pencilled in £15,000, but I very much hope the new unitary authority will not set a limit on this because there can be no financial limit on the defence of democracy.”

Home visit concerns

Councillors also agreed to enable elected members with concerns to contact designated officers to provide information about potentially violent persons before undertaking a home visit.

However, concerns were raised over how that would work as councillors were often unaware of concerns about individuals before they arrived at a property.

Whitby cum Mulgrave division councillor and executive member David Chance said: 

“I had a situation that revolved around my support for the refugee programme and I had a number of emails and telephone calls and I simply asked that my details be removed from the council website at that time. 

“But I can see  if there are contentious issues some members may feel threatened.”

Cllr Andrew Lee’s call for the council to take a pro-active approach and offer members who may feel their concerns are too trivial a range of low-cost security measures was also approved.

The safety initiative will also promote the reporting of incidents of abuse so the council can better understand the scale of the issue and what further actions can be taken to reduce risks for councillors.

Harrogate Grandmother’s story of unbreakable love of neglected granddaughter

This article is sponsored by Berwins

 

Six days before Christmas in 2006, Elizabeth’s four-year-old granddaughter came to live with her in Harrogate.

She was wearing clothes that were too small for her and was a shadow of the little girl who had once been full of life.

Two weeks earlier Elizabeth was contacted by a social worker and asked if she knew Grace had been put into care.

Shocked and devastated, she demanded that her granddaughter came to live with her. 

She invited me to hear her incredible story of heartbreak, sacrifice, resilience, but most importantly the unbreakable bond between a grandmother and her grandchild.  In this article I have changed all the names to protect their identities.

When I met Elizabeth, I instantly warmed to her. I could tell she was tough, but also incredibly kind, by the way she told me to relax as I perched stiffly on the edge of her sofa.

As she started to tell me her heart-wrenching story, the raw emotion of the trauma both she and Grace had been through was etched on her face.

She said:

“I was contacted by social services to say that Grace had been put into care because her mother had wanted to put her up for adoption.

After a bit of toing and froing I said she could come and live with me, and on December 19, 2006, along came Grace.

She was four-and-a-bit. She was very introvert, which is a sad thing because when we were together, before she went off with her mother and this person, my granddaughter was beautiful and was full of life.”

Elizabeth explained that her daughter and Grace had come to Harrogate from Reading to live with her in 2003 after her daughter had left her partner, Grace’s father.

Her daughter eventually got her own flat, but Elizabeth regularly looked after Grace, who was born in 2002.

She said:

“Every day I used to pick them both up. Before I went to work I’d take my daughter to work and my granddaughter to nursery and then at the end of the day, I’d do it all again in reverse.”

Controlling

However, when her daughter met her new wealthy partner on the internet, she began to distance herself from her friends and family as he became more and more controlling.

And when she eventually married the man, who lived just outside Scunthorpe, in 2005, Elizabeth was completely cut out of their lives.

She said:

“The day of the wedding, the agreement was I was going to bring Grace back with me so they could go on their honeymoon. I had Grace with me and we were on a flight of stairs and I reminded him to get his rings back, as they would need them.

“It was a different person completely, he totally blanked me. He gave Grace a look that if it could have killed, it would have done. And he turned his back and walked away. Up until that point he had been fine with me. It was like Jekyll and Hyde.”

Elizabeth didn’t want to stop seeing her granddaughter and would stubbornly tell her daughter and new husband that she was going to pick Grace up.

Maniac

But when she rang she wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone and was forced to accept that she would have to close the door, as the inconsistency was doing her granddaughter more harm than good.

It later emerged Grace had been told her grandmother had moved to Spain, which was why she could no longer see her.

Elizabeth said:

“He didn’t want somebody else’s child basically. The man was a maniac. He took all of my daughter’s things. For example he gave her a very expensive leather purse for Christmas and told her to go and get her old purse so she could transfer everything into this beautiful new purse he had bought.

“Later that afternoon he took the old purse and some other items and set fire to them. So he was burning and getting rid of her past.

“She had a lot of friends in Harrogate as she was quite an easy-going girl, so he tried to rub out her past. And the only way he could see to do it was to ignore a situation or burn things.”

After a year of not seeing her granddaughter, Elizabeth received a call from a woman called Jackie Crawford, from child services in Scunthorpe. She had been given the wrong spelling of Elizabeth’s name and an old address.

‘Bring her to me’

However, Jackie, who Elizabeth described as “worth her weight in gold”, persevered and got in touch with North Yorkshire County Council to help track her down.

Elizabeth said:

“In October 2006 I was sat at my desk, I got this phone call saying ‘do you know your granddaughter is in care?’. And we went from there.

“I was shocked, angry, horrified and didn’t know what had happened as I had no background to this.

“Jackie asked if she could come and meet me and we chatted. She told me Grace was not a happy child or in a happy place and she needed to have something solid.

“And I said bring her to me, just bring her to me, I’ll look after her.”

At this stage, Grace had been put into foster care, where sadly she was not given the love and support the little girl so desperately needed.

When her grandmother went to pick her grandaughter up, she was wearing clothes and shoes that were too small for her and she had no coat.

Instant connection

Elizabeth said there had been an instant connection between her and Grace, from the moment she first met her in the hospital after she was born.

She said:

“So when I went to pick her up from the foster home she had been sent to, this poor little thing had come home from school and it was a different child. She seemed smaller.

“She had a couple of Asda bags with some stuff in it and a backpack and that was it. I had to buy her shoes and a coat as she had nothing that was decent. She came to me in her school uniform.

What soon began to unfold was that Grace had suffered at the hands of her mother and stepfather in the year Elizabeth had not been in her life.

Excluded

Elizabeth said:

“She was excluded. She wasn’t allowed to partake in family life, for example she would have to sit in a different room on her own with a sandwich and crisps while they had a family meal. If they went out she wasn’t allowed an ice cream, yet her half-brother, who was born in 2005, was allowed one.

“A lot of the toys I had given my granddaughter ended up being given to her half-brother.

Elizabeth said Grace was frightened of everybody and everything.

On Grace’s first night at her grandmother’s, after an evening playing and a bedtime story, Elizabeth was sitting in the lounge watching TV when she heard a tap at the door.

She said:

“I opened the door and she’s standing there, saying ‘I’m lonely’. I took her back to bed, read her another story and from that day on it just grew and grew.

Inseparable

From this moment, the pair were inseparable and eventually Grace started to regain her confidence and self-worth thanks to the support of her grandmother.

The little girl went on to join a local stage school, where she flourished and won all sorts of competitions.

Fighting back the tears, Elizabeth recalled:

“When Grace was five or six, she did a performance at Harrogate High School. It had to be something they wrote themselves. We wrote a poem between us called ‘what did I learn today?’.

“It was a big, dark stage with dark blue curtains. Over the speaker came ”and next is Grace with her own poem”.

“She was wearing a top with sparkles on the shoulder. The curtains opened and the light hit her. She took a deep breath and she did the poem. I just fell apart. I was so proud of her.

“These are the things the mother never saw. She will never know. The things that little girl has achieved, it has been through sheer determination.

“Her determination to prove to herself that she is worthy.

“Some of the things that the stepfather would say is “you’re not worth anything”. If she walked into a room, he would walk out.

“So she began to feel she wasn’t worth anything. And you have to build that back up again.”

Grace attended a primary school in Harrogate, where she received the headmaster’s shield for resilience, which Elizabeth proudly keeps in a display cabinet.

Resilient

She said:

“I’ve always thought Grace is very resilient. Very stoic.

“I never had any drama with her at all. She’s also had her problems. She suffers from a thing called Gastroesophageal Reflux (GER), which is when the body makes too much acid. So when she was doing her A-levels she was also attending the hospital and having cameras stuffed down her throat and she still came out with an A* and As and Bs.”

Grace, now 19-years-old, did four A-levels at a Harrogate secondary school and is now studying English Literature at university in Newcastle.

Amazing bond

Elizabeth said:

“My idea was to get her up and out and move her on because I’m an old lady and very stuck in my ways.

“She’s had to live with my rules and regulations.

“She is now sharing a house with two other girls and just loving the freedom of it.”

At this point Elizabeth’s phone started ringing and it was Grace. Even just listening to the affectionate way they spoke to each other on the phone, I could sense their amazing bond.

Sheepdog not a sheep

Elizabeth said:

“One of the things I tried to teach her, because she was so vulnerable, is you are a sheepdog not a sheep. You have a voice. Use your voice. Don’t go in antagonising everybody. Don’t go in shouting. But if something is wrong explain clearly and precisely what you expect them to do about it.

“And bless her heart, she has managed to do all sorts of things. This is the one who would stand behind me when people would stop me in the street to stay hello.

“And slowly slowly she has grown and developed. She has got her problems, like all teenagers do. Although apparently she’s an adult now!

“The upside is all the lovely times we have had together, learning to ride a bike, playing football on The Stray and her shouting “gandma [sic] gandma get your legs out. Doing all sorts of outrageous things, having picnics in the rain and, as things got tight financially, finding things we could do that didn’t cost a lot of money.”

As Elizabeth didn’t officially adopt Grace due to her being a family member, she didn’t receive any financial support from social services. Support that she would have received if she had adopted or fostered a child.

Precious time

It meant that Elizabeth eventually had to sell her car and move to council accommodation. This was after she made the decision to cut her hours at work as she didn’t want Grace to be in nursery full-time, as their time together was so precious.

Elizabeth said:

“I had no time with her. Where is the point in having a child if you spend all your time saying ‘I’ll be with you in a minute. I haven’t got time. We’re doing it later’? I wanted to enjoy her. She wasn’t something pretty to sit on a shelf. She was alive and full of mischief and full of fun.

“All that loveliness that was there when I first knew her got knocked out of her the year she lived with her stepfather. And then to come back to me, to get that back again was wonderful.”

Best friends

Elizabeth said she lost quite a few of her friends when she started caring for Grace, as she was unable to socialise with them as often.

However, this didn’t bother her as she felt her granddaughter was her best friend.

She said:

“We could sit in the room side-by-side and read books or watch a film and not say a word. Because we didn’t need to. We were just comfortable. She said one of the things she misses now being away at university is curling up with a box of chocolates and a DVD. That’s not a bad relationship to have with your granddaughter.

“I think it’s the most wonderful thing I ever did. Every morning when I opened my eyes and she had either climbed into bed with me, or I knew she was pottering around or when she was in her room, was just wonderful.

“The biggest wrench was when she went off to university to find an empty room.

“She’s such a lovely child. It sounds like I’m blowing my own trumpet, but the pleasure and joy you get from this is phenomenal.

“Yes it’s hard, but oh my God the rewards. To see a child grow and develop and get rid of all that clankiness that was hanging on them when they first arrived. To stand on a stage, to sing a solo, to paint a mural on a bedroom wall, to sit in a car when its pouring with rain, eat your sandwiches and have a laugh at what’s going on outside. Just stuff.”

Grace’s mother and stepfather, who had a second child together, a daughter, in 2007, have since moved to New Zealand and neither her, nor Elizabeth, have any contact with them.

‘Grace is my daughter’

Elizabeth said:

“I don’t want a relationship with my daughter. I’m afraid she is one of the few people I would quite happily punch. I always thought we were good friends, but apparently not.

“I think it has skipped a generation. Grace is my daughter. She calls me mum.

“So this creature of mine that I thought was my daughter, isn’t. I’ve been asked if I feel sorry for her. Sorry for a woman who packed a small bag and put it in a car and watched her own flesh and blood get into that car and be taken away by strangers? The reason she gave was there was no bond.”

We finished the interview talking about Grace’s cat, Marmaduke, who sat on the arm of Elizabeth’s chair throughout. I liked to think the pet was a source of comfort to Elizabeth and watched over her while Grace was away.

One of Grace’s favourite pictures of Marmaduke.

She is truly a remarkable woman, a strong, determined woman. I couldn’t help but be moved by her story and her incredible relationship with her granddaughter.

Amazing achievements

Elizabeth said:

“I think the thing that makes me pat myself on the back is seeing all of the amazing things my granddaughter has done. Her achievements.

“Everything we have done together has been phenomenal. And that stacked up is higher than all of the grief, the sorrow and the pain.”

Vicious control freak jailed for military-like control of ex-partner

A vicious control freak has been jailed after preventing his pregnant partner from getting pain relief during labour and assuming military-like command of her day-to-day life, which included having to text him for permission to use the toilet.

During a 17-month period, the Harrogate woman was told when she could go out and with whom, was banned from speaking to family members and forced to make a daily list of “promises” to “obey his instructions”, York Crown Court heard.

The woman, who was 17 at the time, was also made to seek permission to use the toilet or have a drink and forced to record herself inside the lavatory to prove “that was what she was doing”, said prosecutor Matthew Collins.

Her partner’s cruelty came to a head when she became pregnant and he denied her midwifery care and pain relief for the birth of their baby daughter.

The tyrannical military man, who is in his 20s, even assaulted her during her labour at Harrogate District Hospital, added Mr Collins.

On other occasions, he forced her to hit herself and threatened to harm or kill her and the baby if she went to the police.

He was ultimately arrested and charged with assault and coercive or controlling behaviour. He admitted the offences and appeared for sentence yesterday.

Mr Collins told the court:

“During the course of that relationship she was subject to a number of degrading, offensive, aggressive and even physically violent behaviour.

“She was forced to write lists of promises to the defendant on a regular basis – promises which included…how she would behave towards him, obey his instructions and treat him in a manner to which he felt he deserved.

“She was forced to buy him clothing, car parts and spend her money on him in other ways. She could not use the toilet without texting him for permission and then recording herself going to the toilet…to prove that that was what she was doing.

“During the course of their relationship, they had a child. During her labour, the defendant refused, or attempted to refuse, the victim from having pain relief, including gas and air. He also refused to allow her to have (intimate) examinations by midwives.

“He also cut the victim off from her family, including her mother, brother and sister. When…she managed to escape from his presence, he would constantly phone the victim so as to monitor her movements and what she was saying and doing.”

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Grabbed her throat during labour

In December last year, he assaulted her while she was in labour by grabbing her by the throat.

Mr Collins added:

“The statements collected in the course of the investigation against this defendant, in particular statements from the midwives, make frankly for shocking reading.”

The victim, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said she was “always on edge (around her now ex-partner), scared I would do the wrong thing”. She added:

“I felt controlled in the relationship and didn’t know how to stop it,

“I felt I couldn’t be a mother properly and he wouldn’t let me. It really started to affect my mental health. I wasn’t sleeping and when I did, I was sleeping too much, and my mother would have to take care of (my) daughter.

“My anxiety got worse. I was scared of seeing him and feel like I’m suffering depression because of his behaviour. I’ve lost confidence in myself and others; I feel I can’t trust people.”

She said she was now in the habit of asking people “for things I shouldn’t have to ask for because I’ve always had to ask (her ex-partner) to do simple things, like, ‘Can I go to the toilet?’, or ‘Can I have a drink?’”.

Intended to humiliate and degrade

Just before his arrest while he was under investigation, she even bought herself a self-defence kit in case he came looking for her.

Mr Collins said:

“His conduct was intended to humiliate and degrade the victim, in particular those orders that she needed to ask permission to use the toilet and then record herself actively using the toilet.”

He said the woman had had to endure the “fear and trauma” of her child potentially being removed from her care due to her ex-partner’s behaviour and social services becoming involved. The child is still under the woman’s care. He added:

“This is a victim who is frankly scarred and it is a mean and disgraceful case.”

Her ex-partner had a previous conviction for domestic violence and abuse from 2013.

Disgraced soldier

Kevin Blount, for the defendant, whose name cannot be revealed to protect the victim, said his client was an enlisted soldier and was remorseful for his “intimidatory” behaviour. He added:

“That (military) career is (now) at an end.

“Dismissal proceedings have begun (due to the offences).”

Judge Simon Hickey criticised the disgraced soldier for “refusing hospital staff the chance to examine your victim” during her labour. He said:

“You refused her pain relief when she was in labour.

“You wouldn’t allow her to get proper care for her baby and got her to hit herself and injure herself. At times you threatened to hit or kill the baby should she speak to police, and she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere or do anything without your permission.

“This was physically violent, degrading, humiliating behaviour towards that woman. You threatened her (with violence) if she disobeyed your instructions, and steps were taken to stop this young lady reporting (the matters).

“There couldn’t be a more vulnerable position for a woman to be in when you assaulted her (during childbirth).”

Jailing him for 18 months, Mr Hickey told the defendant:

“Sadly, you were a valued member of the British army and you have thrown that all away.”

The judge also made a 10-year restraining order banning the defendant contacting or approaching the victim.